Suspicious Timing

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I've been hearing several things recently that might end up counting in the Republicans' favor in tomorrow's elections. I just have to say that I really question the timing of these events. After all, all together they could provide a real impetus to the Republican get-out-the-vote efforts.

1. The New Jersey Supreme Court's decision on gay marriage: This will surely motivate social conservatives, especially in states with a gay marriage ban on the ballot. It's as if the judges on the NJ Supreme Court have received their talking points right from the Bush Adminstration. This timing cannot be accidental. The courts have been serving as a patsy for social conservatives all along, giving them cannon fodder for the movement for anti-gay marriage amendments. It's only now, however, that we see the timing so close to an election when Republicans are poised to lose control of Congress. Since the judicial branch of the federal government is under Bush's thumb, with his hand-picked leader Chief Justice John Roberts of the very state of New Jersey calling the shots, the timing of this decision is really questionable.

2. The rumors of Justice Stevens' imminent retirement: If the Democrats take control of the Senate, the filibuster of Supreme Court nominees will be easier to achieve with Harold Ford, Bob Casey, Jim Webb, and Jon Tester all agreeing not to join in with those who have called themselves the gang of 12 (a number of whom will probably not be returning). Shame on the Democratic Underground for stirring up such rumors in a get-out-the-vote rush right before the election. I'm really wondering about the timing of these rumors. The Karl Rove shills over at that site are making me awfully suspicious.

3. Saddam Hussein's guilty verdict and death sentence: Those who initially agreed with the Iraq invasion who have been disappointed at how things have gone in Iraq since then may see this as one of the primary goals of the Iraq invasion having been fulfilled, which will encourage some to continue supporting the Bush Administration in its efforts when they may have been inclined not to, and reelecting Republicans in Congress would help do this. Shame on the GOP for releasing this information just before the election. We know the Iraqi government is just a puppet government under Bush's marching orders, and I wouldn't put it past the Rove machine to have faxed them an order to release the Hussein verdict and death sentence right now as a last-ditch effort to save the GOP's control of Congress.

4. John Kerry's place on the Rove team is now firmly established. I mean, how perfect a setup is it for the Rove talking points if the last Democratic candidate for president comes out a week before the election with a statement that our troops are just the people who were too lazy or too stupid to go to college? The only thing that could make it more perfect would be if he protested that he defended the statement before he apologized for it. Even that was too late to prevent some soldiers stuk n irak from asking for Senator Cary's halp. At this point I'm finding it hard to believe that the whole thing wasn't orchestrated by Karl Rove's political machine. It's very unlikely that Rove would have able to get John Kerry to pose as a limousine liberal before Rove was even born, so I don't think Kerry's whole career could be a deceitful GOP plan, but surely the omnipotent Karl Rove has his hands in enough dirty Democrats' pockets that he could have ensured that Kerry would receive a speech with a missing word that makes all the difference. Again, the timing is just so suspicious.

2 Comments

Jeremy,

Am I following your reasoning here correctly? Are you actually suggesting that Karl Rowe has some sort of control over John Kerry's gaffs? Are you suggesting that the NJ Supreme Court had its strings pulled by the GOP? Don’t you think these things are better understood as examples of elitist hubris rolling down from the imperial heights of leftist ideology (i.e. only bumpkins would serve in the military and the unwashed masses must be instructed by their moral betters)?

Or, perhaps you believe that the evil Rasputin Rowe has paranormal powers.

Randall, it sort of ruins the punchline of the joke to explain it, but you have to distinguish between the first-order reasoning within the post and the second-order reasoning for why I would write such a post. The first-order reasoning is pretty much what you're saying. The second-order reasoning is that many people say things ridiculous enough along these lines that I thought it was worth doing a little amateur Scrapplefacing of it with several things that Karl Rove just couldn't be responsible for.

It's more intended as a jab at those who think Rove is an omnipotent, evil genius who's got his hands in everything and less toward those who are always suspicious of the timing of things. Some timing objections have been particularly suspicious themselves, but I do think sometimes those claims are legitimate. For example, the timing of the Foley scandal was clearly intended to affect the election, as was the DUI for Bush in 2000 a couple days before the election, and the guy who outed Ted Haggard even admitted to doing it deliberately at this time because of the election.

This isn't to say that the same isn't true of the other side. I'm sure there are lots of examples of Republicans doing particular things with suspicious timing, but I'm not thinking of any absolutely clear cases offhand. The gay marriage amendment is along those lines, but that was long enough before the election that it's in a slightly different category.

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